Thanksgiving Day Jokes

Thanksgiving Day Jokes by Johnny Carson
Check out our hilarious collection of . They are so funny you will pee your pants before eating the turkey, or we’re not

Thanksgiving Day Jokes

Thanksgiving Day Jokes by Conan O'Brien

Be Prepared

Grandma was showing the children a painting of the Pilgrim Family on a Thanksgiving Day card that they had received and she commented, ‘The Pilgrim children enjoyed going to church with their mothers and fathers and praying to God.’

Her youngest grandson looked at her doubtfully and asked, ‘Then why is their Dad carrying that rifle?’

The Man Who Forgot to Buy a Turkey for Thanksgiving

It’s the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door.

‘Please let me in, ‘says the man desperately. ‘I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don’t come home with one.’

‘Okay, ‘says the butcher.’ Let me see what I have left.’ He goes into the freezer and discovers that there’s one last scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.

‘That’s one is too skinny. What else you got?’ says the man.

The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man.

‘Oh, no, ‘says the man, ‘That one doesn’t look any better. You better give me both of them!’

Indians and the Pilgrims

Nathan, a young boy, after hearing the story of Thanksgiving and how the Indians and the Pilgrims sat down together, climbed up into his father’s lap and said, ‘Daddy, did you know that if we were Indians, you would be a brave and Mom would be a squawk?’

‘That is the best description of your mother I have ever heard, Nathan’, replied his daddy as he ducked.

Small Business

A small business owner was dismayed when a brand new corporate chain much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST BLACK FRIDAY DEALS.

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST BLACK FRIDAY PRICES.

The small business owner panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop-it read… MAIN ENTRANCE.


In the week before Thanksgiving Mary-Jo asked her class of 9 year-olds to write a paragraph entitled: ‘What I am most thankful for on Thanksgiving Day’. All Joey could write was: ‘I am thankful that I’m not a turkey at Thanksgiving.’

Blonde Thanksgiving

It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went. “Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!” said the daughter. “Did it not taste good?” her mother asked. “I don’t know,” the blonde said. “It wouldn’t sit still!”

Really Funny Blonde Jokes

Check Out More Blonde Jokes

Pro Football Turkey

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, “You’re terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I’ll see to it that you get a huge bonus.” “Forget the bonus,” the turkey said, “All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?”

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