The questions below are so stupid I had to capitalize “Stupid”. I still respect the stupid people who asked them though, because without them the world would be totally smart and you would have nothing to laugh at. Besides, wouldn’t you agree with Einstein?
Reason to be around your family?
Click on any of these Stupid Questions to get Funny Answer
Sweet Sex – Bitter Relationships
Who invented condom?
The guy afraid of babies and holes.
Why are chicken egg and nerd’s egg similar?
Neither can get any action.
What did chicken egg say to nerd’s egg?
You're an egghead.
Why is my neighbor’s wife hotter than mine?
She would seem less hot than yours. You just have to find out that your neighbor is having sex with her.
What’s the difference between girlfriend and a wife?
Unfortunately a big one. About 25 pounds.
What if the girl that thinks I’m the dad isn’t the mom?
This is why the sexual education budget should not get cut.
How can I convince my wife to let our hot maid sleep in between us at night? Please HELP!?
Dude, when you find out, let us know.
How do I help my boyfriend who suffers from compulsive masturbation?
Give him compulsive handjobs.
Why did my last boyfriend dump me?
Because you kept on asking him the same stupid question.
Why is my penis itching?
Either you need love and affection or you need to wash it.
How do you convince woman to give you a blowjob?
Tell her you are gay with erectile dysfunction.
Why do people masturbate?
To develop biceps.
Is it true that the cost of living has gone up to 50 dollars per blowjob?
Call my sister. She charges only 25 plus tax.
How do you convince hooker to give you free sex?
Tell her you just paid ten grand to other hooker.
Father Internet & That Weird Technology
If I download some software off the Internet, would it stop working each time I turn off the Internet?
Yes, it would stop working and your brain would get fried.
HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK?
Who knew writing in caps could cause so much trouble?
Inventions & Other Weird Things
Who invented lying?
The first guy who farted.
Who invented the wheel?
The guy who borrowed a lot of money and wanted to keep it.
Who invented microwave oven?
The guy afraid of gas and fire.
Why is there no naked hooker under your Christmas tree?
Santa decided to have some fun.
Why do so many people use Facebook?
Why are so many people dumb?
Why do babies cry?
To annoy the parents they can't stand.
Why would you give someone a lottery ticket?
To regret it when they win.
Did you have sex with a chimpanzee?
Yes, I did. It was my girlfriend who looked like a life-size copy of chimpanzee.
What do you have to do to fly to Moon?
Marry the daughter of a billionaire and kill her father, so you would have money to pay for the flight, or just smoke some pot and pretend you are an alien.
Is zebra a yellow horse with black stripes or a black horse with yellow stripes?
It is an invisible horse with stripes yellow and black, so people would not bump into it.
How can I lose weight without moving?
Easy: Starve yourself.
Is it okay to boil headphones?
You sure can. Go ahead and let us know how that goes.
What incantations work best for summoning Jesus?
Here Jesus, come on, boy.
How much listerine does it take to get drunk?
What happened to the days when kids paid adults to buy them liquor?
I made Jesus shaped pancakes but I burnt them. Am I going to hell?
Perhaps you should master making regular pancakes before venturing into different shapes.
Who is the greatest person ever?
Depends on who you ask. If you ask a 45-year-old woman virgin, for example, she'd say: "The inventor of electric dildo".
If you ask a 45-year-old man virgin, however, he'd say: "The inventor of porn, but I don't know who invented it. But I watch it from my iPhone. So I have to thank Steve Jobs and Apple."
Why do they keep monkeys in a zoo?
So they could not evolve into even more stupid human beings.
Why don’t you Google it?
Because I am stupid.
Can I go to restroom?
No you can't. I forbid you, because I know you want to do something like that: