Joke of the Day

Joke of the Day

Here you may find the funniest jokes of the day we have found for you. We did our best to handpick them, so enjoy them responsibly, or you gonna get drunk on humor and would not be able to keep a straight face on your job. You’d be like: “Ha-ha-ha!” And your boss would be like: “Not funny!”

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Joke of the Day – January 19th

I farted in the Apple store and everyone got pissed at me. Not my fault they don’t have Windows.

Joke of the Day – January 18th

A guy goes to a psychiatrist. “Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I’m a teepee; then I’m a wigwam; then I’m a teepee; then I’m a wigwam. It’s driving me crazy. What’s wrong with me?” The doctor replies: “It’s very simple. You’re two tents.”

Joke of the Day – January 16th

Why do blondes have one more brain cell than cows? So when you pull on a blonde’s tit, she doesn’t s**t on the floor.

Joke of the Day – January 14th

Baby, if you were an iPad, I would tap you all day!

Joke of the Day – January 12th

“It’s being reported that Apple may be making a less-expensive version of their iPhone. They’re calling it a Samsung.” – Conan O’brien

Joke of the Day – January 11th

A thief stuck a pistol in a man’s ribs and said, “Give me your money.” The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said “You cannot do this, I’m a United States congressman!” The thief said, “In that case, give me my money!”

January 10th

Yo Mama is so stupid she tried to commit suicide by jumping out a basement window.

Joke of the Day – January 9th

G. W. Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid. So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, “Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you.” She conference calls Tony Blair in and asks, “Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn’t your sister and it isn’t your brother. Who is it?” Tony Blair replies, “It’s me!” and hangs up. G.W. Bush then calls Dick Cheney and says, “Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn’t your sister and it isn’t your brother. Who is it?” And Cheney says, “Wow, that’s a tough one. Let me get back to you.” So Cheney calls Colin Powell and says, “Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn’t your sister and it isn’t your brother. Who is it?” And Colin Powell says, “It’s me!” So Cheney calls Bush and says, “It’s Colin Powell.” And Bush says, “No, you idiot! It’s Tony Blair!”

Joke of the Day – January 6th

Yo mama’s so greedy she uses the same condom ten times.

January 5th

A salesman was testifying against his wife in a divorce court. His lawyer said: “Please describe the incident that caused you to suspect your wife is unfaithful.” The husband replied: “I’m on the road all week, so naturally when I’m home I like to be with my wife. One Saturday morning we were in the middle of some very heavy sex. Then the old lady in the apartment next door pounded on the wall and yelled: “Can you at least stop all that noise on weekends?”

December 30th

Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, “I need your weight not your phone number.”

Joke of the Day – December 29th

Teacher: “Why are you late?” Johnny: “Because of the sign.” Teacher: “What sign?” Johnny: “The one that says ‘School Ahead. Go Slow.’ So I’m late because of the law!”

December 25th

Two young men who had just graduated from college climbed into a taxi. “Are you graduates from the city college?” asked the taxi driver. “Yes, sir.” they said with pride. “Class of 99.” The taxi driver extended his hand: “Class of 67.”

Joke of the Day – December 21st

A man on holiday in Spain  thought he would email his sister back in England. But he made a typo, so instead of sending it to Joan Foster, he sent it to Jean Foster, the wife of a recently deceased priest. When she read it, she fainted. It read: “Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here.”

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