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Why does Helen Keller masturbate with her left hand? So she can moan with her right hand.
Why was Helen Keller late for school? DUI
What is Helen Kellers favorite color? Black
Why cant Helen Keller drive a car? Shes a woman.
Why was Helen Kellers leg wet? Her dog was blind too.
What did Helen Keller name her dog? Nymphdrumpherlmf.
How did she burn the other one off? They called back!
How did Helen Keller meet her husband? On a blind date!
How come Helen Keller cant have kids? Because shes dead!
Why was Helen Kellers leg yellow? Her dog was blind too.
Whats this (slowly waving fingers)? Helen Keller moaning
What is Helen Kellers favorite mouthwash? Jergens lotion.
What is Helen Kellers favorite Convenience Store? WAAAWAAA
How did Helen Keller burn her ear off? Answering the iron!
What did Helen Kellers room look like? She didnt know either
What was Helen Kellers favorite childhood game? Musical chairs
Have you seen a picture of Helen Kellers dad? Neither has she!
What was Helen Kellers favorite childhood game? Musical Chairs
How did Helen Keller burn her fingers? Reading the waffle iron
If Helen Keller fell down in the woods, would she make a sound?
How do you get Helen Keller to keep a secret? Break her fingers
Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand? So she can moan with the other.
If Helen Keller were psychic, would she call it a fourth sense?
How did Helen Keller pick her eyes out? She shouted hysterically
Whats Helen Kellers favorite movie? Around the Block in 80 days.
Why does Helen Keller wear tight pants? So you can read her lips!!
Why did Helen Keller eat her poop? She thought it was a candy bar.
Why does Helen Keller wear tight jeans? So people can read her lips
Why does Helen Keller wear skin-tight pants? So you can read her lips
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face? She answered the iron
How did Helen Keller drive herself crazy? Trying to read a stucco wall
How did Helen Keller burn the other side of her face? They called back
How did Helen Keller learn to masturbate? Trying to read her own lips.
Why is all of Helen Kellers face burnt? She was bobbing for French fries
How did Helen Keller burn her hands? She was trying to read a waffle iron
Whats the name of Helen Kellers favorite book? Around the Block in 80 Days
Why did Helen Keller cross the road? What, like she knows where shes going!
Why didnt Helen Keller change her babys diaper? So she could always find him
How does Helen Keller drive? One hand on the wheel and one hand on the road!
What do you call Stevie Wonder and Helen Keller playing tennis? Eternal love.
What did Helen Kellers parents do to punish her? Put saran wrap on the toilet
Why is it okay to tell Helen Keller jokes? Because she cant hear them anyway!
How did Helen Kellers parents punish her? They stuck a plunger in the toilet.
Whats Helen Kellers excuse every time she loses a competition? She couldnt see
Have you heard of the new Helen Keller doll? Wind it up and it walks into walls
Did you know that Helen Keller had a dollhouse in the backyard? Neither did she.
Remember the Helen Keller doll? Youd wind her up and watch her walk into walls.
How did Helen Keller drive her car? One hand on the wheel, the other on the road
Where do Helen Kellers parents have her go when theres company over? Disneyworld
How do you mess with Helen Keller? Give her a basketball and tell her to read it
How many kids did Helen Keller have? NONE! The plunger went all the way through!
How can you tell if Helen Keller has brushed her teeth? By the Gleam in her eye.
Why couldnt Helen Keller play on her high school football team? Because shes a girl
How do you tell if Helen Keller is alive? If you hear something fall down the stairs
What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie wonder? Endless love
Why did Helen Kellers dog commit suicide? You would too if your name was Urghrrghrghr
Why does Helen Keller play the piano with one hand? Because she sings with the other!
How did Helen Keller drive a car? With one hand on the wheel, and one hand on the road.
How come Helen Keller didnt scream when she fell off the cliff? She was wearing mittens
How did Helen Keller break her arm while in the car? Trying to read a stop sign going 80
What did Helen Kellers parents do to punish her for swearing? Washed her hands with soap.
Why does Helen Keller play the piano with only one hand? She uses the other to sing with.
How did Helen Kellers teachers punish her for talking in class? They made her wear mittens
Why did Helen Kellers dog kill itself? You would too if your name was sajifjlsisdjifiuopoo
How did Helen Kellers parents punish her? By walking on her Braille books with golf shoes.
What did Helen Keller scream when she fell off the mountain? Nothing, she was wearing mittens.
Why did Helen Keller have yellow fingers? From whispering sweet-nothings in her boyfriends ear
Did you hear about the new Helen Keller Doll? You wind her up and she bumps into the furniture!
What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well? She screamed and screamed until her hands turned blue
What was the worst day in Helen Kellers life? The day she burned her mouth, and couldnt taste anything, either.
What did Helen Keller say to the shop assistant when she knocked over a product-display in the store? Just looking!
Why did Helen Kellers last relationship not work? Her boyfriend complained about how she never listened to his problems.
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This post has been created by Roman Marshanski, the founder of this site. He loves film, comedy, and innovative technology. He believes in bringing about positive change to the world through good-natured humor and innovative technology. If you enjoyed reading this page, follow him on or for more awesome content.