These funny Beatles quotes and jokes will make you laugh. They include all the best John Lennon and Paul McCartney jokes, not to mention funniest quotes from The Beatles interviews.
Funny Beatles Quotes
These funny Beatles quotes have been carefully selected from the interviews they had during the years.
Reporter: Who thought up the name, Beatles?
Paul McCartney: I thought of it.
Paul McCartney: Why not?
Journalist: What is the reason you are the most popular singing group today?
All four: Don’t know. No idea.
John Lennon: If we knew, we’d get together four boys with long hair and be managers.
Journalist: Would you like to walk down the street without being recognized?
John Lennon: We used to do this with no money in our pockets. There’s no point in it.
Reporter: There’s a ‘Stamp Out The Beatles’ movement underway in Detroit. What are you going to do about it?
Paul McCartney: We’re going to start a campaign to stamp out Detroit.
Reporter: What do you think of the criticism that you are not very good?
George Harrison: We’re not.
Journalist: Ringo, how do you manage to find all those parties?
Ringo Starr: I don’t know. I just end up at them.
Paul McCartney: On tour we don’t get out much. Ringo’s always out though.
John Lennon: Ringo freelances.
Reporter: What will you do when Beatlemania subsides?
John Lennon: Count the money.
Reporter: What did you think when your airplane’s engine began smoking as you landed today?
Ringo Starr: Beatles, women, and children first!
Journalist: Is it true none of you can read or write music?
Paul McCartney: None of us can read or write music. The way we work is like, we just whistle. John will whistle at me and I’ll whistle back at him.
Reporter: Girls rushed toward my car because it had press identification on it and they thought I met you. How do you explain this phenomenon?
John Lennon: You’re lovely to look at.
Reporter: Recently there has been an article published in Rolling Stone magazine stating that Day Tripper was about a prostitute, and Norwegian Wood was about a lesbian. What was your intent when writing these songs?
Paul McCartney: We were just trying to write songs about prostitutes and lesbians.
Reporter: Beethoven figures in one of your songs. What do you think of Beethoven?
Ringo Starr: He’s great. Especially his poetry.
Journalist: Do you fight among yourselves?
John Lennon: Only in the mornings.
Reporter: You were at the Playboy Club last night. What did you think of it?
Paul McCartney: The Playboy and I are just good friends.
Journalist: Why are your speaking voices different from your singing voices?
George Harrison: We don’t have a musical background.
Reporter: Is it true you can’t sing?
John pointing to George: Not me. Him.
Reporter: What is the biggest threat to your careers, the atom bomb or dandruff?
Ringo Starr: The atom bomb. We’ve already got dandruff.
Reporter: Do you like topless bathing suits?
Ringo Starr: We’ve been wearing them for years.
Reporter: Does all the adulation from teenage girls affect you?
John Lennon: When I feel my head start to swell, I look at Ringo and know perfectly well we’re not supermen.
Journalist: When you do a new song, how do you decide who sings the lead?
John Lennon: We just get together and whoever knows most of the words sings the lead.
Reporter: How do you feel about a nightclub called Arthur, named after your hair style?
George Harrison: I was proud, until I saw the nightclub.
Reporter: Do you date much?
Ringo Starr: What are you doing tonight?
Journalist: What’s your reaction to a Seattle psychiatrist’s opinion that you are a menace?
George Harrison: Psychiatrists are a menace.
Reporter: How did you find America?
Ringo Starr: We went to Greenland and make a left turn.
Reporter: Don’t you ever get a haircut?
George Harrison: I had one yesterday.
Ringo Starr: You should have seen him the day before.
Journalist: Ringo, why do you think you get more fan mail than anyone else in the group?
Ringo Starr: I don’t know. I suppose it’s because more people write me.
Reporter: Do you resent fans ripping up your sheets for souvenirs?
Ringo Starr: No, I don’t mind. So long as I’m not in them while the ripping is going on.
Reporter: Do you worry about smoking in public? Do you think it might set a bad example for your younger fans?
George Harrison: We don’t set examples. We smoke because we’ve always smoked. Kids don’t smoke because we do. They smoke because they want to. If we changed we’d be putting on an act.
Ringo Starr (whispering): We even drink.
John Lennon: No more unscheduled public appearances. We’ve had enough. We’re going to stay in our hotel except for concerts.
Journalist: Won’t this make you feel like caged animals?
John Lennon: No. We feed ourselves.
These Beatles jokes have been submitted by random people to random sites.
Q: What were the worst words ever said in rock and roll? A: How about we let Ringo sing one.
The Beatles’ song, “Love Me Do” was written by John Lennon after he’d had a really good haircut.
Q: How can you tell if you have an authentic Beatles shirt? A: When it has a Ringo round the collar!
King John and King George ruled England, King Paul ruled Greece, And King Ringo ruled the Drums.
Paul: Why don’t you just quit and live in an “Octopus’ Garden”, Ringo? John: Yeah! And take your “Yellow Submarine” with you! George: “Boys”, let’s say “Good Night” and leave.
Q: Heard about the new Beatles album? A: They’ve gone all Drum ‘n’ Bass…
I really hope The Beatles don’t try and reunite like all these other veteran rock bands. They’d only be half the band they used to be.
Teacher: Use “Beetles” in a sentence. Student: “By George,” said Paul. “John’s lost his Ringo.”
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