30 Best Funny Movie Quotes That Will Make You Laugh

Best Funny Movie Quotes

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1 It’s where I keep all my things. Get a lot of compliments on this. Plus, it’s not a man-purse. It’s called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one. The Hangover (2009)

2 …Nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I’m the Dude, man. The Big Lebowski (1998) Check Out 17 Big Lebowski Quotes That Will Make You Laugh

3 Funny Movie Quotes From Tropic Thunder

– “Everybody knows you never go full retard.”
– “What do you mean?”
– “Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, Rain Man, look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic, sure. Not retarded. You know, Tom Hanks, Forrest Gump. Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and won a ping-pong competition. That ain’t retarded. And he was a god-damn war hero! You know any retarded war heroes? You went full retard, man. Never go full retard. You don’t buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, I Am Sam, Remember? Went full retard. Went home empty handed.” Tropic Thunder (2008)

Funny Movie Quotes About Life

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4 Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listenin’ to her enough, or somethin’. I don’t know, I wasn’t really payin’ attention. Dumb And Dumber (1994) Check Out The Best Dumb and Dumber Quotes and GIFs

5 – “She had the biggest tits I’ve ever seen, I think.”
– “Yeah, I heard she got breast reduction surgery.”
– “What? Makin’ her tits smaller? That’s like slapping God across the face for giving you a gorgeous gift.” Superbad (2007)

6 – “I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.”
– “Is there someone else up there we could talk to?”
– “No, now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time.” Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

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7 Marriage is like an unfunny tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever. Knocked Up (2007) Check Out The Best Funny Marriage Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

8 Well, Dick, here’s the deal. I’m the best there is. Plain and simple. I mean, I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence. And nobody can handle my stuff. Uh, you know, I’m just a, just a big hairy American winnin’ machine. If you ain’t first, you’re last. You know, you know what I’m talkin’ about? That phrase is trademarked not to be used without permission of Ricky Bobby, Inc. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)

9 If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) Check Out Some Awesome Ace Ventura Quotes That Will Make You Laugh

10 Funny Movie Quotes From A Prairie Home Companion

When God created woman,
He gave her not two breasts but three.
When the middle one got in the way,
God performed surgery.
Woman stood before God,
With the middle breast in hand.
Said, ‘What do we do with the useless boob?’
And God created man. A Prairie Home Companion (2006)

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11 Really. I have an interesting case, treating two sets of Siamese twins with split personalities. I’m getting paid by eight people. Zelig (1983)

12 “Don’t you find it a little bit (of a) coincidence that the body fell perfectly within the chalk outline on the floor?”
– “I think they drew the chalk outline later.”
– “Ah!” The Pink Panther (2006)

13 Look, there is a woman in a car. Can we follow her? And maybe make the sexy-time with her?! Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006)

14 – “I’m kinda psychic. I have a fifth sense.”
– “What do you mean?”
– “Like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it’s gonna rain.”
– “Really? That’s amazing.”
– “Well, they can tell when it’s raining.” Mean Girls (2004)

15 – “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.”
– “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.” Office Space (1999)

16 See, women need a reason for having sex, men just need a place. City Slickers (1991)

17 I was married. My husband cheated on me left and right. He made me feel like I was crazy all the time. One day he tells me it’s my fault he saw other women. So I picked up a knife, and told him it was his fault I was stabbing him. Yeah, I did a little jail time, but it was worth it. Living Out Loud (1998)

18 – “Hey look everybody! Billy peed his pants.”
– “Of course I peed my pants, everybody my age pees their pants. It’s the coolest.”
– “Really?”
– “YES! You ain’t cool, unless you pee your pants.”
– “Wow! Hey, man. Ernie peed his pants too. Alright!”
– “If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.” Billy Madison (1995)

19 The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989)

20 I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass… and I’m all out of bubblegum. They Live (1988)

21 Jane, since I’ve met you, I’ve noticed things that I never knew were there before… birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988)

22 – “Disturbing the peace.”
– “Disturbin’ the peace? I got thrown out of a window! What’s the f–kin’ charge for getting pushed out of a moving car, huh? Jaywalking? This is bulls–t.” Beverly Hills Cop (1984)

23 [Aladeen approaches the NYPD] General Aladeen: Is there any way you could lend me some money? Maybe twenty million dollars. The Dictator (2012)

24 We Romans are rich. We’ve got a lot of gods. We’ve got a god for everything. The only thing we don’t have a god for is premature ejaculation, but I hear that that’s coming quickly. History of the World, Part 1 (1981)

25 – “But where in New York can one find a woman with grace, elegance, taste and culture? A woman suitable for a king.”
– “Queens!” Coming to America (1980)

26 There’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane? Airplane! (1980)

27 – “Ed Rooney: Last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. He jeopardizes my ability to effectively govern this student body.”
– “Grace: Well, makes you look like an ass is what he does, Ed.” Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)

28 – “I love the old Rose. The one with no make-up and baggy clothes who loves ‘the perfect bite’. l love her. lt’s real. lt’s not based on passion, although l feel that, or, or lust, although l feel that. Or even physical attraction because she wasn’t uh, uh although l-I thought she was quite beautiful. Her eyes, her mouth. The way she held herself, the way she made fun of herself. She eats carrots now. lsn’t that tragic? What am l gonna do?”
– “Do you know that in the last two years, l’ve been with eleven different women. Most of them half my age. Not one with a sense of humor l understood. Now, I don’t date these girls because they’re well-read. I gave one a copy of A Farewell to Arms. She thought it was a diet book.” The Mirror Has Two Faces (1996)

29 Dr. Evil: My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it’s breathtaking, I suggest you try it. Austin Powers (1997)

30 I know we’ve only known each other for four weeks and three days, but to me, it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. But the fifth day, you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, but then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I-I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it. Anyway, I’ve decided that tomorrow when the time is right, I’m gonna ask you to marry me. If that’s okay with you, just don’t say anything. You’ve made me very happy. The Jerk (1979)

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Roman Marshanski

Roman Marshanski

This post has been created by Roman Marshanski, the founder of this site. He loves film, comedy, and innovative technology. He believes in bringing about positive change to the world through good-natured humor and innovative technology. If you enjoyed reading this page, follow him on or for more awesome content.
Roman Marshanski