Principal Skinner, I got carsick in your office.
Hi, Principal Skinner! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers.
When I grow up I wanna be a Principal or a Caterpillar.
This is my sandbox, I’m not allowed to go in the deep end.
And I want a bike and a monkey and a friend for the monkey.
That’s where I saw the Leprechaun. He tells me to burn things.
You have the bestest Dad. He read me a story about Chinese food.
If mommy’s purse didn’t belong in the microwave, why did it fit?
Grandma had hair like that when she went to sleep in her forever box!
Bushes are nice ’cause they don’t have prickers. Unless they do. This one did. Ouch!
The doctor told me that BOTH my eyes were lazy! And that’s why it was the best summer ever.
And when the doctor said I didn’t have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life.
Will you cook my dinner for me? My parents aren’t around and I’m not allowed to turn on the stove.
Enjoyed these Ralph Wiggum quotes? Then why not share them with your friends?
Liked this page?
Then why not get our iOS app from ? Then you will have the world's biggest collection of jokes and inspiring quotes right in your pocket, and the app will work faster than the site, so it will save you time and keep you entertained.
This post has been created by Roman Marshanski, the founder of this site. He loves film, comedy, and innovative technology. He believes in bringing about positive change to the world through good-natured humor and innovative technology. If you enjoyed reading this page, follow him on or for more awesome content.